Two other people -- my neighbor (as I mention in the “About Ethan” section) and my brother-in-law -- both mentioned Ethan having autism before we ever had him evaluated by a professional. This was incredibly difficult for me. Sure, I’ve known since he could walk that he is different, but when someone else, sometimes someone you don’t know all that well, busts out with a serious medical diagnosis, it’s a little heart-shattering. I know people put forth these ascertains in the best interest of getting the child the help they need, but to tell the truth, it’s painful regardless of the intention. At least for me. Maybe I need to give my ego a good talking to.
However, if that someone giving their two cents on my son’s neurological condition is a doctor, that is another thing entirely. My child’s doctor, with whom I discussed Ethan’s characteristics many a time and who has seen Ethan at least once a year (in a stressful situation no less), always asserted that he is a normal child. Defiant, yes. Autistic, no. The social worker who observed him barely eeked out a sensory integration issue diagnosis. And she's an autism expert. Case solved.
In the case of my brother-in-law, he was actually relaying the words of his sister, who is indeed a nurse and has two special needs children of her own (neither with SPD nor autism), after he had told her a story about one of Ethan’s episodes when I was in the hospital having Ethan’s little sister and he was having a tantrum because he missed me. Um, Ethan was having the tantrum, not my brother-in-law. Oh, isn't that a funny picture ... my brother-in-law having a tantrum ... hahahaha. ... Anyway, I digress. Now, let me clarify that to witness one of Ethan’s almost out of body tantrums is disturbing. But, his sister never saw it. She’s never even met my son. I was not insulted by my brother-in-law, who I know loves Ethan very much, but I was by his sister whom I myself haven’t even seen since she was wearing a junior girls’ clothing. In the case of my neighbor, well, all I can say is she meant well when she was implying E is autistic. Regardless, it doesn’t change how it made me feel.
The thing is, if you are not the parent of a special needs child, you will never know what it feels like to have others judge your child in this fashion. Every day I wake up knowing the challenges Ethan faces, knowing his eccentricities and sensitivities, and, if it’s a good day, having great hope in his future and knowing in my heart that he will become a stronger person because of the additional adversity he has had to deal with. I also wake up every single day with a small knot of dread in my gut that he will indeed be judged, possibly treated differently and, worst of all, pitied because he is different. To have a friend non-expert diagnose to me the characteristics he struggles with every day is a mixture of rubbing in something I already know, punctuating it with a slap in the face then kissing me. They mean well, right?
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